Settling in at home

Good afternoon my friends,

Yes, we have daddy at home. But yesterday was anything but smooth and easy.

As Cindy and I were about to leave for rehab, Barbara called to say she arrived to find daddy having chest pain and increased heart rate. She said she could not take him home that way and was putting Hospice on hold. She thought he should go to the ER and then we could get the PET scan ordered and she would know exactly what was going on with the colon cancer. The next few hours can only be described as extremely emotional, raw, frustrating, and painful. The reality of taking daddy home hit hard for Barbara. She told me she was afraid to be alone at home with him. I would be leaving and she wanted me here. After much discussion, tough love, heavy tears and admission of fears, she consented to take him home. I promised her she would never be alone at home with him. We spoke to daddy about where he is physically and emotionally and the fact that he has basically stopped eating and is drinking very little. We discussed his wishes for resuscitation should his heart/breathing stop. We talked about if he wanted to be intubated again and stay in the hospital. He just wanted to come home. I called Wayne, gave him a quick update and said it was time for him to head south.

Mary, the Hospice admissions nurse, came at 12:30. I have nothing but good to say about her. She spoke to us as a family, spoke to daddy, and helped us to see that what we were about to do was the best thing for him. She talked to him about in-patient hospice and coming home. He wanted to be at home. Then she had "the talk"...what were his wishes when his heart/breathing stops. He didn't even have to think about it...do not resuscitate. When Mary asked if he wanted to sign that paper or have Barbara, he said Barbara could do it. She looked at me and said, through sobs of tears, "I can't sign that, you do it". But I'm just the daughter and as the wife it was her responsibility. I held her tight and said I would hold her hand while she signed so she didn't feel like she was doing it alone. By 4pm all the paper work was done, meds ordered, hospital bed and supplies delivered and set up at home, and we were on our way. Wayne had a safe trip and arrived at my mothers about 8:30 PM. The evening was fairly uneventful. The evening nurse came and did his "tuck in" visit. Julie spent the night with Barbara. Daddy slept well all night, only waking at 3am and 6am to be cleaned up and then right back to sleep. He took his morning meds today with no problem but his blood sugar was low and the nurse said to give his juice and a couple peanut butter crackers which he ate. A short time later all was well.

Wayne and I came to their apartment this morning. We are staying here with daddy and Barbara until tomorrow afternoon. Barbara needed to run to the pharmacy and grocery store today. And she is working tomorrow so it makes the best sense to spend the night. We met our nurse, Andrea, today and she brought us a few more needed supplies. What a blessing they are to us all. It is so very comforting to know we can call any time for any thing.

Daddy continues to complain of chest pain. Sometimes he describes it as pressure, other times as a squeezing sensation. So far the Ativan and Percocet are doing well. He has only needed something for nausea once today. We have had to learn to give him insulin shots. Barbara and Julie have done great. Cindy doesn't think she will be able to do it but she has learned to do lots of things she said she couldn't do for him. His breathing is a little more labored. This is partially due to the fact that he sleeps with his mouth open and the oxygen is through a nasal canula. His only food today has been the 2 peanut butter crackers and a vanilla wafer with a little ice cream on it. But he has asked for and drank some water as well a some Pedialite (less sugar than Gatorade). He also drank 1 Glucerna. He has been snoring since Barbara and I gave his a bath this evening. In fact, he slept through his bath.

I am very grateful to have Wayne here with me. His employer was very understand and said go. He was able to work 8 hours today from here.

Tonight, please pray for:

- God to be merciful. We do not want daddy to suffer at all

- Peace that passes all understanding for the family

- God's grace to those who need to tell him goodbye in the next few days

- Safe travel for his sister, Patsy, who is traveling with her daughter from PA this weekend to see him

Still clinging to the Solid Rock while I praise Him through this storm.