Perspective . . . a healthy dose

The following is an e-mail my sister-in-law, Pam, sent out early this morning.  

I am thankful for . . . LIFE!!

In December, 2004, my doctors discovered that I had stage 3 ovarian cancer.  After many complications during surgery, my husband, Mike, was told I would not live through the night. Hundreds of people prayed in unity for me that night and over the next few days!  My heavenly Father brought together the right doctors, nurses, and medications to save my life.  When I came home from the hospital two weeks later, I began to battle the cancer.  Only one-third of the women with ovarian cancer live longer than 5 years.  I was 44 years old and decided to set my sights on turning 50!

Today is my 50^th birthday!

As I reflect on the last 6 ½ years, I am thankful for:

• ·         being “chosen of God, holy and beloved.”  Colossians 3:12-17 is my life story.
• ·         my cancer.  It has given me God-ordained connections with so many people!
• ·         God’s incredible healing power that He continues to pour into my body.
• ·         doctors and nurses who recognize God’s miraculous interventions.
• ·         enjoying God’s restoration in my marriage. (Joel 2:25-27)
• ·         over 1000 early morning prayers with Mike, my husband.
• ·         being married to my best friend.  (I would still choose you Mike!)
• ·         over 5000 good night hugs and kisses from my sons, Joel and Seth.
• ·         helping Seth learn to love reading.
• ·         being Joel’s number one fan every time he plays the guitar and sings.
• ·         riding the Boomerang roller coaster at Wild Adventures with Seth . . . only once.
• ·         retaining the title of “Mommy, Finder of All Things.”
• ·         helping Joel learn to drive.
• ·         singing hymns with Seth as he plays the piano.
• ·         reading The Lord of the Rings trilogy aloud to my boys.
• ·         sharing my childhood home with my 90-year-old mother.
• ·         watching the sun rise every morning over the same farm I learned to love as a child.
• ·         over 4500 meals shared with my family after we hold hands and pray.
• ·         walking to Axson with my family on the same road I walked as a child.
• ·         all 93 students influenced in my classroom.
• ·         all the hats worn in my honor, in Lumpkin county the first time I lost my hair and in Atkinson county the second time.
• ·         the family who prayed in Spanish for my healing during parent conferences at my school.
• ·         every person God has gathered into a remarkable support system, from my husband and children and extended family to school personnel to medical staff in Atlanta and Valdosta to church family.  I truly love you and could not walk this path without you!

So here is how you can help me celebrate my 50^th birthday.  Please join me in thanking God for my life.  I want Him to hear hundreds of people praying in unity again, only this time thanking and praising Him!  And while you are praying, maybe you can think of something in your own life to thank Him for.  I would love to join you in thanking Him for your life so send me an email (pwitherspoon@gmail.com).

Feel free to forward this email to anyone who knows me or might be encouraged by my story. May God continue to bless you and your family.

Love, 

Pam 

The first picture was taken the day we brought her home from the hospital in December 2004 and the 2nd was taken December 2010. And how is she celebrating her day today? Having chemo, of course!

Have a great day!

Praising God for celebrating 50 years with my "sister"!!!!!

Tomorrow I have a new job...

I can not say this any better than Wayne did yesterday.

My prayer is clear direction for this new path before us and peace & joy for the journey.

Amazed by His grace!

Dear friends,

God has given Elaine and I the opportunity to share many things with you.  You have been very generous to share your hurts, challenges, and joys, and we have had the joy of watching God work so amazingly in your lives.

At the beginning of many of those times, you have heard us say, "This didn't take God by surprise!"

Well, today, those were the first words to run through my mind as I learned my position at nuBridges had been eliminated.  "This didn't take God by surprise!"

So tomorrow (I'm taking the rest of today off!!!!  :) ), I start the "new job" of finding employment!  I am going to "skip ahead" and thank you in advance for the prayers I know you are already praying for us - as my eyes fill with tears at the thought.  You are such wonderful examples to me of God's grace!  Thank you!

I am taking a lesson I like to share from David's life...  He asked God how a battle should be fought.  I, too, have asked God how unemployment should be faced before.  But then, David did a strange thing... He went back to God and asked how the battle should be fought *the next day*!  So I am planning to "go see what God wants done" with this unemployment.

That, then, is my prayer:  that God would give us clear direction and humility in accepting his provision, and that good things would be said about him because of what he does in and for us during this time!

Grace to you all in the name of our Master, Jesus,

Wayne

"And how blessed all those in whom you live,
  whose lives become roads you travel;"
Ps 84:5 (MSG)

Another Monday

Dearest friends,

Here we are, another Monday. And we are still waiting ... for God's perfect timing. 

Last Thursday daddy had a very good day. He was the most lucid he had been in a long time. He and Barbara spent some great time together, talking and sharing about their lives together over the past 35 years. What a gift from God that was for her. Wayne came in Friday night and we spent the night with them so Barbara could work Saturday. But daddy was startled awake and became very confused. By the time that was all settled out she decided to stay home. The rest of our weekend was quiet. Wayne went home Sunday morning but continues to keep his suite case packed and in the trunk. 

Our nurse, Andrea, was here earlier today. Barbara asked the hard question - How long? A week, maybe two. Then their priest came to the house and we celebrated our Lord's supper with daddy for probably the last time. And we prayed praises to our heavenly Father for the gift of our earthly father. We met again with our social worker this afternoon.

Daddy continues to be very weak. We are grateful for our CNA who bathes and shaves him. She is so gentle and keeps him looking comfortable and handsome. He is able to swallow liquids and is still taking pills for us.

Please pray for:

- God to call daddy home in His perfect timing

- Peace that passes understanding for our family

- No suffering

- Unity for our family. Satan would like nothing better than to separate us right now.

Clinging to the Solid Rock.

There is no other way to say it.

Dear family and friends,

It's hard. There is no other way to say it. We are home, daddy is on Hospice and it's hard. The range of emotions we have all experienced has gone from one extreme to another. We have met as a family with our nurse and social worker, the Chaplain came last week and our CNA came this week. Medications have started to be decreased, some eliminated. We change him, bathe him, give him medication, something to drink, the occasional bites of food, and all the while loving on this man we call husband/daddy/papa/uncle puddy/friend.

The weekend was very busy for us. Daddy's sister, Patsy and her daughter Deann, flew in from Pennsylvania Friday night. It was so great to see them both again after so many years. We laughed, talked, cried, and laughed some more. Saturday was full of old friends coming by to visit and we celebrated Ricky's 50th birthday. Sunday was a little quieter but full of wonderful memories with Patsy and Deann. And lots of family connections made on Facebook. I can't even imagine how difficult it was for Aunt Patsy to say goodbye Sunday night to her only living brother.

This week has been fairly uneventful. We have good days, okay days, and then sometimes just a day. But knowing that we have your love and prayer support helps us and we can feel it all the time.

Wayne stayed with me until Sunday. It was hard for me to let him go home but I understood why he had to leave. He is keeping a bag packed in the car all the time. Plans are to come back this weekend, or sooner if needed.

I'm sure there is much more I could say. You know me, never at a loss for words. Right now the words just won't come. But the tears do. It's hard. This is something I never dreamed I would have to walk through. It's not fair. But it is all a part of God's plan.

Please continue to pray for:

- God to be merciful. We do not want daddy to suffer

- Peace that passes all understanding for the family

- Our wonderful support team from Community Hospice

Waiting on God's perfect timing.

Settling in at home

Good afternoon my friends,

Yes, we have daddy at home. But yesterday was anything but smooth and easy.

As Cindy and I were about to leave for rehab, Barbara called to say she arrived to find daddy having chest pain and increased heart rate. She said she could not take him home that way and was putting Hospice on hold. She thought he should go to the ER and then we could get the PET scan ordered and she would know exactly what was going on with the colon cancer. The next few hours can only be described as extremely emotional, raw, frustrating, and painful. The reality of taking daddy home hit hard for Barbara. She told me she was afraid to be alone at home with him. I would be leaving and she wanted me here. After much discussion, tough love, heavy tears and admission of fears, she consented to take him home. I promised her she would never be alone at home with him. We spoke to daddy about where he is physically and emotionally and the fact that he has basically stopped eating and is drinking very little. We discussed his wishes for resuscitation should his heart/breathing stop. We talked about if he wanted to be intubated again and stay in the hospital. He just wanted to come home. I called Wayne, gave him a quick update and said it was time for him to head south.

Mary, the Hospice admissions nurse, came at 12:30. I have nothing but good to say about her. She spoke to us as a family, spoke to daddy, and helped us to see that what we were about to do was the best thing for him. She talked to him about in-patient hospice and coming home. He wanted to be at home. Then she had "the talk"...what were his wishes when his heart/breathing stops. He didn't even have to think about it...do not resuscitate. When Mary asked if he wanted to sign that paper or have Barbara, he said Barbara could do it. She looked at me and said, through sobs of tears, "I can't sign that, you do it". But I'm just the daughter and as the wife it was her responsibility. I held her tight and said I would hold her hand while she signed so she didn't feel like she was doing it alone. By 4pm all the paper work was done, meds ordered, hospital bed and supplies delivered and set up at home, and we were on our way. Wayne had a safe trip and arrived at my mothers about 8:30 PM. The evening was fairly uneventful. The evening nurse came and did his "tuck in" visit. Julie spent the night with Barbara. Daddy slept well all night, only waking at 3am and 6am to be cleaned up and then right back to sleep. He took his morning meds today with no problem but his blood sugar was low and the nurse said to give his juice and a couple peanut butter crackers which he ate. A short time later all was well.

Wayne and I came to their apartment this morning. We are staying here with daddy and Barbara until tomorrow afternoon. Barbara needed to run to the pharmacy and grocery store today. And she is working tomorrow so it makes the best sense to spend the night. We met our nurse, Andrea, today and she brought us a few more needed supplies. What a blessing they are to us all. It is so very comforting to know we can call any time for any thing.

Daddy continues to complain of chest pain. Sometimes he describes it as pressure, other times as a squeezing sensation. So far the Ativan and Percocet are doing well. He has only needed something for nausea once today. We have had to learn to give him insulin shots. Barbara and Julie have done great. Cindy doesn't think she will be able to do it but she has learned to do lots of things she said she couldn't do for him. His breathing is a little more labored. This is partially due to the fact that he sleeps with his mouth open and the oxygen is through a nasal canula. His only food today has been the 2 peanut butter crackers and a vanilla wafer with a little ice cream on it. But he has asked for and drank some water as well a some Pedialite (less sugar than Gatorade). He also drank 1 Glucerna. He has been snoring since Barbara and I gave his a bath this evening. In fact, he slept through his bath.

I am very grateful to have Wayne here with me. His employer was very understand and said go. He was able to work 8 hours today from here.

Tonight, please pray for:

- God to be merciful. We do not want daddy to suffer at all

- Peace that passes all understanding for the family

- God's grace to those who need to tell him goodbye in the next few days

- Safe travel for his sister, Patsy, who is traveling with her daughter from PA this weekend to see him

Still clinging to the Solid Rock while I praise Him through this storm.

We are going home on Hospice

My dearest friends,

Okay, where to begin. I guess where we left off. Last Thursday was great for everyone. Cindy and I enjoyed a few hours at the beach. Daddy participated in therapy morning AND afternoon and was eating fairly well. He did open up to Barbara and said he was afraid of dying while here at rehab and being alone. He wants to go home.

Friday things began to change. Daddy had asked for something for anxiety, he was having panic attacks. He was given Ativan .5mg about 10:30am and was sound asleep when we arrived with lunch for him at 12:30. He had eaten very little of the tray he was provided at noon and at 1:30 he was given his antibiotic on basically an empty stomach. That began a cycle of nausea that really has not stopped since. We asked that he not be given any more Ativan during the day as it really knocked him out. So, no therapy on Friday.

Barbara went to work on Saturday and I came to rehab to stay with daddy from 10am to 1pm. The nurse reported he had been having a good morning: ate all his breakfast, took his pills, was fully dressed and went down to therapy. When I arrived a little after 10 he was sitting in the wheelchair fully dressed complaining of nausea. He had already been given Phenergan for this. Within a short time he wanted back in bed and went sound asleep. He basically then slept for the rest of the day. So, limited therapy on Saturday. Due to the nausea continuing he also ate very little if any at lunch and dinner. Barbara was very worried he was not eating. He cannot afford to loose any more weight. He also began coughing more with a rattling sound in his lungs.

Barbara spent Sunday with him. Again he complained all day of the nausea, heartburn and now a headache. She tried to get him to eat but could only get him to drink the Glucerna most of the time. He will not drink water, doesn't like the taste, so we are concerned about dehydration. He spoke a lot of wanting to go home. When Cindy arrived Julie and Ricky were already here. Shortly after Barbara and Ricky went outside and had a very long talk. Ricky lost his mom to ovarian cancer a few years ago and she was on Hospice. That talked helped her to see that they were there not just for the end but for the now. She made the decision last night to take him home on Hospice as soon as it could be arranged.

Cindy, Barbara, Ricky and I met for breakfast this morning to be sure we were all on the same page. We agreed to get the ball rolling and get him home as soon as possible. We told the nursing staff when we arrived we wanted to talk to the psychiatrist and house doctors before they saw daddy today so we could tell them of our wishes. Therapy did get him up in the wheelchair this morning so Barbara and Cindy took him outside for about 10 minutes. Hope to post those pics later tonight.

Daddy was already scheduled to be seen by the house psychologist, Dr Skip, who was wonderful. We spoke to him privately before and after he did the evaluation. And he was so patient as daddy kept falling asleep during the interview. He is depressed but says it is from everything he has been through. Dr Skip did not want to put him on any medication as he is already on so much. We were very glad for this. We told him of our wish to take him home and why and he thought that was the best thing we could do. His report will be on the chart and Hospice can get a copy so they can take over that area for us.

We spoke with Jane, house social worker, next and told her of our desire for Hospice. She made the call and at 3pm we met with Donna from NE FL Community Hospice. She did a great job explaining who they are and everything they can do for us. Barbara signed all the papers. All we need now if for the house doc to say okay for discharge to hospice at home and Dr Patel, daddy's oncologist, will be his primary physician.

All this to say....we are going home on Hospice. Equipment has been ordered for the home and will be delivered tomorrow. The couch in their living room is being removed now to make room for the hospital bed. We have a Walmart list for things we will need until Community Hospice can bring our supplies. Mary, the admitting nurse is coming tomorrow at 1pm to do the nursing assessment and as long as we have the discharge order daddy will be transported home when she gets through.

We still don't know where we stand with the colon cancer. It has been 3 and 1/2 months since his last PET scan which showed recurrent colon cancer after 12 chemo treatments. Hopefully daddy can have another PET scan very soon so we can know exactly what we are dealing with.

He is still complaining of nausea and sever indigestion. Nothing seems to be helping either one. Dinner is here and he wants nothing to do with it. So far he won't even drink the Glucerna. The one good thing is he has taken the last of the antibiotics. We are hoping the nausea will now go away.

Please pray for:

- Smooth transition home

- Peace that passes all understanding for the family

- Daddy's appetite and desire to drink fluids to increase

- PET scan to be ordered quickly

- God to be merciful

And I'll praise you in this storm

and I will lift my hands

that you are who you are

no matter who I am

and every tear I've cried

you hold in your hand

you never left my side

and though my heart is torn

I will praise you in this storm!

Standing firm in the midst of this storm.

A funny for you

Me - ‎​On our way to have lunch w/daddy.

Wayne - Take pair of Visegrips. If he's bad, clamp a toe! :)

Cindy - Lunch with Daddy $10, pair of visegrips $5, look on Daddy's face with toe in visegrips....painfully priceless from lmbo.

I'm glad yesterday is over

Good Thursday morning,

Thank you all for your prayers yesterday. It truly was a very difficult day. When I got to LifeCare daddy told me he was going home so he didn't have to look at those 4 walls any longer. I suggested it would be no different at home and he responded that he would be able to move from room to room there, that he would get himself in a wheelchair. So I laid his bed flat, he would be in his own bed at home which doesn't adjust, and asked him to sit up and swing his legs over the side of the bed. Well, I don't think I have to tell you how that went. And it was down hill from there. He refused to do or listen to anything any of us had to say. And he said I had just enough medical knowledge that made me difficult to deal with and wanted Barbara to make me leave.

Cindy, Barbara and I then began to discuss what our options might be in getting daddy home and caring for him. Thanks to my best friend Teri, the hospice nurse, I had great information about what was available in that arena. Unfortunately that info was not accepted as Barbara believed Hospice was only for people dying. She did not want to hear what I had to say and daddy was making fun of my talking. I stopped talking, picked up all my belonging and left. I felt like they did not want my help so I was headed back to my moms to pack up my stuff and go back to GA. Barbara found me in the bathroom and we talked. I told her daddy did not hurt my feelings, she did. She did not want to hear what I had to say so they could make the decisions and handle it on their own. She asked me to please not return to GA. But I had to get out of there. I went to get a bite to eat and think. Talking to Wayne helped and my next stop was to be the beach for some walking and talking with God. But before I could head that way Barbara called and asked me to come back. She had arranged a meeting with the social worker and wanted me to talk to her about Hospice. So back I went. Barbara and I talked, cried, apologized, and went on.

Our meeting with the social worker went great. Many options were discussed. We decided, as a family, that it was best for daddy to stay where he is. We do understand that he may never get any stronger but we won't know until he tries. The nurses told him the way it was going to be. He was not happy but nothing he could do about it. He is calling us all "traitors" because we won't do what he wants. Barbara has told him she is not going to go see him unless he does his therapy. Once I left his room yesterday I said I was not going back in there for a few days. It's time for the tough love. We have been thru and listed to everything he's had to say. But it's time for him to participate in this healing and going home process. Without his cooperation he will never get back to where he was just 2 short months ago.

Please pray for:

- The wonderful staff at LifeCare

- Daddy to be a willing participant in this process

- Wisdom for the doc to pick the right drug to help with his depression

- Respite for the family

- Rest/sleep/peace of mind for daddy

Now Cindy and I are off to the beach for some walking and talking with God.

Praising God through this storm.

Fw: Just talked with Elaine...

Subject: Just talked with Elaine...

Sent: Aug 5, 2009 2:05 PM

....and she is having a tough time.

Her dad is insisting that he is going home TODAY. Elaine is trying to help with reason - he cannot even rise from the bed without help - (which is being met with VERY emotional responses) and options.

Please pray with me for Elaine. It is very upsetting to her that she can't help.

Also, please pray that the spirit of denial will be removed from all involved.

Thank you AGAIN for your prayers and support.

Standing with you,

Wayne

Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Moving isn't always go great

Dear friends,

I made it back from So GA, very well rested, Monday evening and spent the night with daddy. He was going great and very ready to get out of St Lukes. Yesterday morning all of his docs came in and said he was cleared to be transferred to LifeCare for short term rehab. One of the things we were waiting for was 3 negative C-diff cultures (the contagious intestinal bacteria he had) which we now had. WooHoo! Transport was arranged, we packed all his stuff, and off we went about 12:15. This is gonna be great. Or so we thought.

We arrived at LifeCare and went to room 303B. Good, a semi private room. Daddy will have someone to talk to when we aren't there. No roommate when we got there but that was ok. Barbara mentioned getting a wheelchair so she could take him on a tour after lunch and we were told he could not leave the room, he was on isolation for C-diff. What? We have 3 negative cultures. But they said since he was having diarrhea, which is a symptom of C-diff, they wanted 3 more negative cultures from their facility. Daddy has not not had loose stools, or diarrhea, since this all started with the original surgery on June 5th. Anyway, on with the day. I left to go home and sleep and Barbara stayed to get him settled and sign all the papers.

I called Barbara this morning to see how yesterday and last night went only to be told it did not go well. The facility would not let Barbara stay with him last night. He is in a semi private room with no roommate. They said she could not stay because he is in isolation. We've stayed with him almost the entire time he was isolated at St Lukes and Specialty Hospital. There is no recliner in his room and they would not let her sleep in the other bed. I's feel pretty certain daddy did not sleep any. Barbara said he finally told her this morning he is afraid he is going to die there and doesn't want to die alone.

So, he is in a room he can't leave. No going to therapy, no going to the dining room for meals, no going to sit in the sun in the beautiful courtyard his room looks out on, no going to the family room so he can have more visitors, no nothing. He wants to go home.

side bar: While daddy slept Monday night, I had lots of time to think. It's

Just got call from Barbara. Things not going well at all. Daddy insisting on going home today! House doc tried everything. On my way.

PLEASE PRAY!

It's Friday, again!

Good afternoon from sunny South Georgia,

Yes, you read that right. I am at the James family farm in south Georgia for some much needed rest. More about me later. I know you are anxious for an update on daddy.

Well.....the trach came out last Thursday with no problems and daddy removed the feeding tube all by himself in the wee early hours of Friday morning. Yes, I was there but it was one of the few times I slept. And he woke me when he was done. The rectal tube and catheter were removed a few days later. He and I had good nights and some really not good nights. One early morning at 4:30am he kept calling out and when I would answer he was already back to sleep. This went on for a short while. I finally went over to him and he was drenched in sweat and very disoriented. His blood sugar was 24. He was given sugar water and it went back to normal. The hallucinations have come and gone and come again. Monday it was decided that I should not stay at night with him anymore, that he was capable of doing a few things for himself and didn't need us there at night. So after 24 hours of being there I went home, crawled in bed at 5pm and slept until the next morning.

We were also told on Monday that by the end of the week he would be ready to go to short term rehab, they had done their job. We thought Specialty Hospital would do all his rehab but they were only there for getting him off the trach. Barbara and I toured one short term rehab facility Monday and Cindy joined us Tuesday to look at 2 others. We decided the best fit for daddy is LifeCare Center.

That brings us to Tuesday night / Wednesday morning.....Somewhere around 3am his blood sugar went low and his heart rate went high. Sugar water brought the blood sugar back to normal. Not sure what they did for the heart rate. Again at 6am the heart rate went up. While the supervisor was tending to that they told him of the happenings just 3 hours earlier. They checked his blood sugar and again it was low. After more sugar water and calls to his doctors, he was sent to the ER. Cindy and I got the call about 8am and joined the family by 9. Long story short, he needed to be admitted for observation. He was transferred back to St Lukes and sent directly to ICU. We were so very glad to have him back in familiar, trusted surroundings. Since then they have regulated his blood sugar, fed him very well, transferred him to a regular room, given him a shower, added meds for elevated heart rate, and transferred him to the cardiac monitoring floor. He is doing MUCH better. No more hallucinations! He is also in much better spirits but is still not sleeping. Oh, almost forgot, he does have some pneumonia again, this time in the right lung. Ugh!

Cindy, Barbara and Julie have taken over staying nights with him and I left town yesterday and came to the farm. Reports from St Lukes are that he is having a great day, eating alot, and getting restless. A rep from LifeCare came to see him today and they have a bed for him in short term rehab. We are just waiting now for the docs to give the OK.

Wayne is already on his way to join me here at the farm as I type this. We have not seen each other in almost a month. Looking forward to our time together very much. I'm not sure if I will head back to Jacksonville Sunday or Monday. I would like to be here for my nephew Seth's piano recital Sunday night. Will just have to see how things are going with daddy.

Please pray for:

- Daddy's mind to remain clear

- the pneumonia to respond to the antibiotics and not get any worse

- his appetite to continue to increase

- for the nurses, techs and docs caring for him

- strength for Barbara, Cindy and Julie as they care for him in my absence

- the time Wayne and I will have together

- a bed at LifeCare to still be available when he is ready to leave

I am very tired and drained from the last 3 weeks of rehab. I am trusting God for whatever happens next and counting it all as joy. Thank you all for keeping us in your prayers. Again, I miss you all, very much!

Well, the clouds are darkening and the wind is picking up. Time for me to go stretch out and let the storm rock me to sleep.

Resting in my Father's arms.

Prayer request for Elaine's dad

Elaine just called.

Her dad's blood sugar is very low, his heart rate is very high. He is being taken from the rehab facility to Memorial Hospital. She and her sister are hurrying to go to the hospital.

Thank you for supporting us with your prayers.

Standing with you, Wayne
--
"And how blessed all those in whom you live,
whose lives become roads you travel;"
Ps 84:5 (MSG)

Rehab is hard work!

Dear friends,

Sorry for not updating sooner. I am spending 12-15 hours a day at rehab with daddy and am now on the night shift with him. So when I am home I'm sleeping and getting right back there.

Daddy is progressing. Finding the right drugs to calm him down and something to make him sleep has been a challenge this week. He got the most sleep last night he's had in, well, since he got there. We have good and bad days in therapy and in the room. I arrived yesterday to him having thrown his coffee, muffin and water pitcher. That's when I took over nights. Cindy and Barbara say he's had a good day. In therapy today he did all of the upper extremity exercises AND he walked the length of the parallel bars with assistance. I'm going for another good night. Hope I can get some sleep, too.

GOOD NEWS - Just got a call that the trach comes out tomorrow. Praise God. That is one less thing to deal with. Now if we can get him to eat enough and swallow pills so we can get the feeding tube removed.

Please continue to pray. Daddy is afraid to be alone. Cindy is gone now until next Tuesday so it's Barbara and I to take the bulk of being there with daddy. I am still certain God has me where he wants me.

I will update more when I can.

Praying for another good night.

Friday night from Florida

Good evening,

I need to be careful what I put in these emails. Wednesday night i ended with "I'm just gonna hang on for the ride." and what a ride it has been.

Yesterday began with a call at 8am from rehab saying daddy was being uncooperative and belligerent. He was refusing to let them take his vital signs or give him any medication. Cindy and I threw on clothes and out the door we went. So many things happened thru the course of the day. We didn't give him a choice about the meds or vitals. We made it through the morning. He did get to start eating. After half a grilled cheese for lunch, he refused physical therapy but we left him up in the wheelchair for a couple of hours. When Barbara arrived, she had to work yesterday, she marched in and gave him a stern talking to. The sad part is, his mental status is altered. He listens and says he understands but it doesn't take long before he is back in la-la land. When Cindy and Julie arrived we all went to dinner leaving daddy alone for about 45 minutes. We did have a good talk as a family. There is still alot for us all to process, together and individually, about how to care for daddy.

Being alone for the time was very good for him. When we got back he was almost in a panic. He was alone in his room with the door shut and he got scared. He cried and begged us never to leave him alone again in that room. He actually sounded more lucid than he had in a long time. As the evening wore on his mind would come and go. I spent the night with him. He was calm and cooperative through the night, just didn't sleep much even with the Benadryl and Dilaudid. I think with all the sleeping he did in ICU that he is all slept out. Throughout the night he and I had a number of short but very good conversations. He apologized to me for the way he had acted and treated me, and said he didn't want me to be afraid of my daddy. I heard him pray last night like I have never heard him pray. All I could do was cry.

By the time Barbara arrive at 8 this morning, breakfast was there and I was beyond exhausted. 24 hours of dealing with daddy and no sleep had really taken it's toll on me. Cindy came and took me home as I was in no condition to drive. After a quick bite I was off for much needed sleep.

I have only had a brief chance to catch up with Cindy on the events of today. It appears as the day went on he got worse and worse. Much discussions are now being had as to why this is happening and what are we going to do about it.

Please pray for:

- Clarity of his mind. Difficult to watch him act like someone I have never met.

- Healing of his bottom. A little better today.

- PT and OT. He did go today and worked for about 40 minutes today but they don't do in on the weekends.

- Weight gain. He's started eating, just not much at one time.

- We have requested a meeting with the case worker and our entire family to discuss what is happening.

- Peace that surpassed all understanding and comfort for the family. We are all struggling with what to do.

- For my marriage. Wayne and I married to be together, not apart. Satan tried to stir things up but he did not win!

Still standing on the Solid Rock.

Daddy passed the swallow test and I fired a nurse

Good evening,

My goodness, what a day. And yes I am tired. Not weary, tired. My plan for today, yes I know...if you want to make God laugh tell him your plans, was to go with daddy to Memorial for the swallow test, see how he did in rehab, and then come home early afternoon to work some and pack my stuff up with the idea of leaving tomorrow. God certainly had a good laugh at that cuz it just didn't go according to my plans. I left at 9:30 this morning and got home sometime after 8 tonight. But I know you aren't reading this to hear about me.

I arrived at rehab just in time to watch him being transferred from bed to stretcher for the trip to Memorial. Our ambulance drivers were wonderful with daddy. They even let Barbara and I ride in back with him. At Memorial he had to be transferred to the movable x-ray bed/table. Shortly after we moved him he began to complain of alot of pain on his bottom. And that he was "FREEZING". We were able to roll him slightly onto his right hip and nothing we could do or say brought any relief. The tech who did the study was great and even made adjustments for his positioning for comfort. AND HE PASSED! He can now, well when rehab gets the results and the doc writes the order, have thickened liquids (consistency of V8) and soft foods. But by the time he was done, he was complaining of severe, excruciating pain on his bottom and all he wanted was to sit in a tub of hot water to relieve it.

The day nurse joined us in his room shortly after transport left. I told her he was having severe pain and may need to be cleaned. She looked down at him, did not touch his body or move the gown, and said he did not need to be cleaned. I then asked if we could get some warm wet towels to put on his bottom and in a very loud voice she said "No, that would burn him". (If she had assessed him that morning she would have already known he was severely burned) The respiratory tech in the room all this time offered to help the nurse reposition him in the bed. When they started to move him around he screamed in pain and guess what they found?! I immediately left his room, went to the nursing station and asked to see the supervisor...now! I'll spare you the details of what all I said, there were no wirty dords, but he got my message loud and clear. He said the first thing he would do was go remove the nurse from the room and assign a new one. Well, I didn't want to be there for those fireworks, so I met Barbara in the cafeteria for lunch. There we ran into our infection control nurse and told her what had happened. Boy oh boy, did she ever get an ear full from us.

Side bar: Daddy has C-diff, a contagious bacterial infection in stool, which causes diarrhea. This getting, and staying, on your skin for any length of time has best been described as "battery acid". Very caustic. He started with this last week while in ICU at St Lukes. There he was kept very clean and had no burning or scalding to his bottom. Apparently C-diff is not uncommon for patients with prolonged hospital, or rehab, stays. He was transferred to rehab last Friday night. By this afternoon his poor bottom had severe burns from the caustic stool. No wonder he screams and throws a fit when this is on him.

I now return you to your regularly scheduled update.....

And if all that happened this morning wasn't enough, an hour after we got back from the swallow test, and they got him cleaned up, PT came and took him to the gym to work our for an hour. I'll bet you can just guess how cooperative he was with them. He was still having severe pain from the burned bottom and insisted on seeing a doctor. He was convinced the doc would say it was OK for him to sit in a tub of hot water. So I went to the director of PT, gave him the details, he went to see daddy as "the doctor" and told him politely that no he could not get in a tub of hot water. And yes, I enjoyed that just a little too much.

This afternoon went much better. Our new nurse was the best. Just like we had come to expect at St Lukes. She gave daddy something for pain, cleaned him very well and got him comfortable in the bed. I spent a great deal of time soaking his hands, one at at time, in warm soapy water and cleaning his fingernails. He slept through most of it but is was a most special time for me. Tomorrow I plan to do the same with this feet while he is up in the chair. We have requested the same nurse for tomorrow. Daddy even kissed her when she left.

Cindy and I have made a list of things done, or not done, and are going to request a meeting tomorrow with the director of nursing. (I met her Friday night on our way in.) The events of today, as well as a host of other things, needs to be addressed now before anything else happens.

Please pray for:

- Healing of his bottom. When that is painful he is not cooperative at all and very foul tempered.

- PT and OT to have a better day with him tomorrow.

- Weight gain. We want food!

- Clarity of his mind. A little better today at times.

- Peace that surpassed all understanding and comfort for the family.

- Clear direction for me. Should I stay or should I go now?

Well, dear friends, I must get some sleep. I feel pretty sure God already has tomorrow planned out for me and I'm just gonna hang on for the ride.

Praising God for today.

Welcome to Rehab

A gracious good evening to everyone,

We are in rehab! Daddy was transferred last Friday, night, at 8pm. So much for "in the morning". But we got there. Before he could be transferred, his feeding tube had to be changed. Dr Hartigan arrived at 3:30pm to do that. Then we had to have an x-ray to confirm positioning which was not correct so he was taken to radiology at 5 for it to be done under fluoroscopy. And if that wasn't enough, while we waited for transport to come at 7:15, daddy's heart went into A-fib again and looking at the monitor this all started about the time he was taken to x-ray for the tube to be repositioned. The heart doc did call back quickly, meds were given and we were on our way....in a torrential down pour.

The weekend, well, it was just a weekend. Nothing is done at rehab on the weekend. Daddy spent his time sleeping during the day and catnapping at night. The nurses did have to put him in "boxing gloves", a type of restraint that only stops him from using his hands but not from moving his arms. Seems he was trying to pull things our again. He is still in isolation, gown and gloves for us, because of the C-diff bacteria in his stool. And because of the isolation, I cannot have my computer in the room. So, no updates till I get home and no working while I'm there either. We were told he would be evaluated Monday by PT, OT, speech, recreation, dietary, wound/skin care, infection control, and anyone else they felt should see him. The only person who came in yesterday was speech. She needed to get the records from St Lukes regarding the failed swallow test before she could go any further. By the time I left yesterday I was not very happy that he had been there since Friday, was still in the bed and no one else had evaluated him.

Today, now that's a different story. When we got there daddy was being cleaned up. He managed to get one of his gloves off and, let's just say he was quite the artist. It wasn't long after we arrived that things started happening. Respiratory came in to give a breathing treatment. Infection control introduced herself and told us all about isolation, how low the catheter tubing should not hang (among other things), and how to take our gown and gloves off and wash our hands when we leave the room. While she was busy doing that, speech came back in to do the preliminary swallow test. She fed daddy a cup of ice chips with blue food coloring. This was so she could see if he aspirated. He laughed and joked with us quite a bit. And he PASSED the preliminary swallow test. When she suctioned the trach after the test there was no blue liquid in his lungs. Praise God! He is now scheduled for the real test tomorrow at 11am at Memorial Hospital. It can't be done at Specialty because their x-ray is down. Cindy, Barbara and I took a break to each lunch while the nurse did a few things to daddy. When I got back to his room I found PT and OT there to do their evals. That went way better that I expected and much better than last time in ICU. After helping him to the side of the bed he was able to sit there with minimal support but did require them to stand him up and support him. They got him in the recliner and then finished the eval. He has very good range of motion in his arms and is able to comb his own hair and wipe his face with a wash cloth. His legs, not so good. He is not able to straighten either leg out completely and had very decreased sensation on the sides of his feet and no feeling on the top of the feet. There is no strength at all in the feet and ankles. Beginning tomorrow he will go to the PT gym once a day for an hour for PT and OT. My nephew Andrew and his friend Justin came to visit shortly after PT left. He had a great time cutting up with the boys. Once he was put back in the bed he went to sleep almost immediately. All that activity really wore him out. Maybe he will sleep better tonight.

Daddy has minutes of complete clarity and more time of great confusion. He always gets the current president correct, usually gets Jax, FL correct, but the day and date are too much. We ask him multiple times a day and correct him each time. We explain where he is and how he got here. We tell him his job is: #1 to pass the swallow test, and #2 to do what he is asked to do when he is asked to do it, no matter what. His weight is down to 106. I noticed this afternoon that one of his wrist bands was up around his upper arm.

Tonight I would like you to ask you to pray specifically for:

- The swallow test tomorrow at 11. That he will be cooperative, there will be no problems and he will pass.

- PT and OT to be able to communicate in a way he will understand and want to participate.

- Clarity of mind. He is slowly getting better but easily reverts back to acting like a child to get his way.

- Weight gain. I don't have to tell you that a man 5'6" should not weigh 106 pounds.

- Clear direction for me. I want to go home, to be with my husband, and to get back to work full time.

Thank you all, again, for your continued prayers and support.

Still praying for a God sized miracle.

What a difference a week makes

Good Thursday afternoon my friends,

I am sorry that it's been so long since my last update. My days go quickly with all the doctors, therapists, respiratory, x-ray, nurses, and the like coming and going in our room. I started this update Tuesday morning. Now it's Thursday afternoon. So much happening. Let's see if I can catch you up.

Daddy has not had a fever in quite some time. The only problem with his nose is the tube that goes down it into his stomach. He has tried to remove it multiple times. The feeding tube could not be inserted directly into his stomach and Dr Hartigan, his surgeon, said he would not open him back up just for that. There is a smaller feeding tube that can be inserted through his nose into his stomach if needed. He has developed a yeast infection on his tongue and doesn't want the medicine put on to clear it up. He will let the nurses do it sometimes. Yesterday I pried his mouth open for them to finish. Have instructed todays nurse to do the same. Speech therapy took him to radiology yesterday for a swallow test which he failed. He did not like the taste or consistancy of the barium they wanted him to swallow so he told them no. Today we are allowed to give him water on a small sponge on a stick. He wants the cup but is not allowed. We gave him the stick this morning and he threw it on the floor. I got very stern with him and told him that was not acceptable behavior. If he wanted water, he would do it my way or not get any. Later he accepted the stick a few times. His heart rate and BP are doing good. THE VENT IS GONE!!!!! He has been weaned down to 28% oxygen which is almost like breathing room air. The trach cuff was changed Tuesday morning to a smaller size and the cuff deflated. Respiratory put a Passy-Miur valve on his trach which allows him to talk and we can understand most of what he says. His kidneys are working just fine. Blood sugar is doing well. Finger sticks are now every 4 hours, instead of every hour or two, and the insulin IV is gone. But he does get the insulin shots which he does not like. Last week his bowels stopped working. The tube feedings were stopped and he was put back on TPA for nutrition. A CT scan showed no obstruction. Fortunately over the weekend they started working again. Tube feeding have not resumed yet. Yesterday a stool culture was done and last night his room became an isolation room - he now has C-diff, a type of bacterial infection that is contagious. We must now wash our hands and put on gowns and gloves to go into his room. Physical and occupational therapy are working with him. He is up in the cardiac chair at least once a day.

Now to today .... It has all happened very quickly but we believe daddy will be transfered to Specialty Hospital either today or in the morning. Specialty is a rehab hospital where he will be taught to swallow, eat, care for himself and get him walking again. I believe he will eventually go home and that the trach is not permanent and will be able to be removed. My step mother is reluctant for him to go, she worries that it's too soon. She is comfortable in our little "bubble" here at St Lukes. I told her it is time to get her and daddy our of the comfort zone so we can get him home.

Since my last update I have been spending a great deal of time in the room with daddy. He knows where he is but doesn't understand all that has happened or needs to happen before he can return home. He asks a lot of questions and is confused at times. It is difficult for some of my family to be stern and unwavering when daddy doesn't want to do what he is told. I have no problem being the bad guy and standing my ground. I want him out of hear as soon as possible and will do what it takes to push him along. Wayne did come down last week for 5 days. It was wonderful to spend so much time with him and still spend my days at the hospital. We got to see fireworks twice and spend some quality time together.

I am hoping once daddy is transfered, gets situated and starts all his therapies, I will be able to go home. Wayne and I talked about this today. Will have to wait and see. I may need to stay to be the strong push he needs to get him home. I am praying God will make that direction clear for me. I am weary but still sure I am right where I am suppose to be doing what I am suppose to do.

Please pray that this is the right time to be moving daddy and for peace for my family during this transition.

Praying for clear direction.

It's a great Monday

Good Monday to all,

This is the text message my sister sent my Sunday morning: Daddy/Papa update. Had a great night. stats r - HR 77; Oxygen 96%; BP 126/57. Versed is turned 2 low dose & he opened eyes & turned towards me when I spoke 2 him. Vent settings changed. Breathing on his own with 40% oxygen support. He was at 60% support yesterday. WOOHOO!

Dr C then came in to see him and said it was time to move along. By evening the Versed had been stopped and the vent was removed. Yes, removed! He did have oxygen attached to the trach but he was doing all the breathing on his own. Cindy put her phone on speaker and he responded to my voice. I cannot tell you the joy that brought to my heart. The plan is to get him moved to a rehab facility in about a week where they can teach him to swallow, eat, and walk again. After all, he's been a slug-a-bear for the last 3 weeks. My hope is to come home once he has been moved to rehab and I see how he does for a day or two.

And that brings us to today. Daddy was taken to radiology this morning to have the feeding tube inserted into his stomach. He was awake and oriented enough to be, as nurse Alex puts it, "pissed off". He has tubes coming out of everywhere, it hurts when then move him, and he can't talk. Unfortunately the tube could not be moved. The radiologist could not get to his stomach around his ribs. We are waiting to discuss the next step with Dr C. Cindy and I did have a long talk with 2 of his nurses and his respiratory therapist. We did find out that rehab will not take him unless his feeding tube is into his stomach. 

Dr C was just in. Daddy was off the vent for too long yesterday. His blood oxygen levels were low this morning. He was put back on the vent for the procedure this morning and will be kept at the machine breathing 6 with 50% oxygen for now. The weaning process is very slow with lots of ups and downs. As for the feeding tube, Dr C says rehab will take him with it in his nose but would be much better to have in directly into his stomach. This now must be done in surgery by Dr Hartigan. That means daddy will have to recoup from a surgery again which means slowing down on the vent weaning. 

So right now I am a little sad...that the feeding tube is not in, that he is back on the vent, that he will need another surgery. But the sadness goes away when I think of how far we have come. I continue to hold tightly to my Heavenly Father as he heals my earthly father. I can't worry about tomorrow, or even an hour from now. My God is in control and I trust Him completely.

Please pray that Dr Hartigan will be able to move the feeding tube with no complications. Also for his lungs to continue to heal. And as always, for the awesome nurses, techs, and physicians that are caring for him.

Standing in the gap for my daddy.

Quick update

Good afternoon,

Just got a call from Cindy with some great news. Infectious disease doc says there is nothing new growing on any cultures. Dr C has been in and daddy is really in weaning mode. In fact, he is doing all the breathing on his own right now. Praise God! The oxygen level is still at 60% and they will probably have the machine doing some of the breathing for him at night, but this is a big step in the right direction.

On a different note, I may have a sinus infection. Yes, I am taking care of myself and no I am not going to the hospital to be with daddy. I have been home since last night. 

Will update more later when I am feeling better.

Your sister in Christ.

It's Friday

Good Friday morning my friends,

Yesterday was a good day for us. Daddy had the tracheotomy done without event. The oxygen rate was lowered to 60% last night and his blood gases were almost normal this morning. The respirator has been turned down to 6 (machine takes 6 breaths a minute and he does the rest). He is still having times of restlessness so we hold his hands and love on him until the meds do their thing. Today he will have the feeding tube inserted directly into his stomach. Dr Hameed tried to do it at bedside earlier this morning but couldn't see to his satisfaction so we are waiting for him to be taken to radiology to have it done. Kidney doc was in earlier. He has decreased the Lasix to see how he does over the weekend. Dr Dean, cardiology, came late yesterday and said all was well there.  

The nurses, respiratory therapists, aids and doctors are all wonderful here at St Lukes. We have been very blessed. So many of them treat daddy as if he was their family. I pray daily for their wisdom and strength.

Our biggest hurdle is getting daddy off the respirator. Because he has COPD and emphysema, his lungs have come to "depend" on the machine for help. Dr C is going very slowly in the weaning process. I believe he will come off the respirator and the feeding tube will be removed.

Thank you all for your prayers and words of encouragement. I miss our Friday night dinner and a movie and look forward to see you all again very soon.

Believing with you.

Yes, it's still Wednesday

Good evening,

Just want to give a quick update. Dr C came in this afternoon and said it was time to do the tracheotomy. The respirator will then be attached to the trach and it should be easier to wean daddy off of. Dr Hartigan will be taking him to surgery tomorrow hopefully between 12 and 2. Otherwise it will be after office hours tomorrow. Dr Hameed will then change the feeding tube to go directly into his stomach probably on Friday. That will be done at bedside. 

I am sleeping in ICU-8 tonight. 

Praying for a quiet night.

How did it get to be Wednesday already?

Good afternoon everyone,

How is it that time is passing and I can't keep up?! Last night when I talked to Wayne I thought it was Wednesday, then Thursday, then he told me it was only Tuesday. And now it's Wednesday.

Here's a little recap of my Twitters from Monday: 

7:21am Morning from ICU-8. Dad resting. Michelle giving report to Kenny. Busy day. New PICC line and bronchoscopy. Gonna be a good day

8:16am Daddy's lung procedure should be done about 9. Plz pray for Dr C and Peggy who will assist.

9:36am Ok. I'm finished with my coffee and Dr C still isn't here. Let's get this show on the road. I've been up since 5:30 and ready for my nap.

9:49am Procedure about to start on dad. Please pray for oxygen saturation to stay high so entire procedure can be done.

10:38am Dad update-Lung procedure done. Tolerated well. Dr C thinks inflammation now from pneumonia. Steroids ordered. Very restless now.

11:14am Daddy settling down. Pain med on board. Heart rate and BP back down. Thank you God.

11:49am Ok. I lied. Daddy not calming down. More drugs given. Still very active and strong. Plz pray NOW for him to relax and let meds work.

12:43pm Daddy finally resting easier. Cindy and I now having lunch.

6:18pm Picking up forgotten stuff from home for step mom then getting them dinner. Then home for nite.

I then went home and slept for almost 12 hours. If I talked to you yesterday and sounded funny, that's why. 

The weaning process off the ventilator is going very slow. Since the bronchoscopy his oxygen has only been reduced to 70% (he had been as low as 45%). He does do some breaths on his own which is good. We did not see Dr C (critical care) yesterday. No news is good news, right?! Daddy continues to have periods of restlessness but his heart rate, blood pressure and blood sugars are doing well. Occasionally his heart rate goes up when he's resting and we don't know why. The nurse adjusts the meds until it comes back down. He is getting 2 more units of blood today for low hemoglobin. His body is too weak to produce enough red blood cells on its own. All of his docs come in and say "We have to get him of this ventilator now". We know that, but daddy's body just isn't ready yet. Waiting to see how much longer Dr C will let him continue as he is before he starts talking tracheotomy again. When that happens, his feeding tube will be put directly into his stomach. Trying not to think beyond today.

We, as a family, have grown weary, but I still believe God has me right where I am suppose to be. Please continue to pray for my earthly father's lungs to heal as his body is resting. Please also pray for me to have focus as I try to get some work done.

Well, his pain meds are wearing off and he's getting active again. Time to go love on him until he calms back down.

Thank you all my dear friends. I covet your prayers and support. 

Praising God for another day.

Father's Day update

Good Sunday evening and Happy Father's Day,

I hope all the dads have had a great day. Wayne came down for the weekend again which was much needed by us both. We enjoyed some down time together and helped celebrate me niece Elizabeth's 21st birthday yesterday. We enjoyed the breakfast party, not the Wildhorse with all her friends last night. 

Daddy had a little improvement over the past few days. He is still critical and on the respirator, but the fever is gone, heart rate, blood pressure and blood sugar are all holding steady. Some time he appears more restless than others but the nurses are learning what helps to relieve that. And then there is today. About 11 this morning his oxygen saturation began to drop, getting as low as 70%. Respiratory was on it immediately and began working their magic. Seems daddy had quite a bit of gunk in his left lung. A call was placed to Dr C who decided a bronchoscopy (looking at and cleaning out the lungs with a scope) was the order of the day. After respiratory worked on him for a while his saturation level did come back into the upper 90s. Then we waited for Dr C to come do the procedure. While we waited Mary and Peggy shaved his scruffy face again. Daddy was quiet restless, uncomfortable almost, all day. Unfortunately our 7am-7pm nurse today was pulled from another floor and is not an ICU nurse so it was not until I got here early afternoon and asked why he was this way that anything was done. Dr C was not able to make it here to us until about 7:30pm. He said it was too late to do the procedure and plans to do it in the morning. Dr C says this episode today is a setback and continues to think daddy is only about 10% improved. I thought he was doing better. So now we wait again...until morning. Michelle, our night nurse who has had him the last 2 nights, has worked diligently to get and keep him comfortable. He continues to be restless, moving his shoulders up and down, trying to raise his hands, and scrunching his forehead. And he opens his eyes about halfway. He looks so distant. Kinda tough to see my daddy this way, especially on Father's Day. It's now 1am and I think he has settled down for a while.  

My step mother has gone home for the night as she is going to work in the morning. I am spending the night again in his room and am playing music to try and help him relax. It Is Well With My Soul, Great Is Thy Faithfulness, Rock Of Ages and Amazing Grace are just a few of the songs I have been singing over him. Truth be told, they are as much for me as they are for him. I am weary but very sure I'm right where I'm suppose to be. 

Please join me in praying for his lungs to heal, for the nurses, techs and doctors to make wise decisions, and for my family. We all have other issues we are facing, besides daddy being sick, that need prayer. God knows those needs and I believe He will answer in His perfect timing. 

I hope you all have a great Monday. 

Standing strong in the storm.